Dead Baby Talking

July 5, 2013 — 10 Comments

A poem. A song. A scream toward heaven. Anything, something. A way for me to communicate the sorrow and shame I feel for the monumental regret of my life.

Dear child, if only I could sacrifice the god of I to the God of Mercy who is blessedly with you, comforting you. To bring you back. On behalf of all those who killed innocence in the womb.

**********

You are my father and you abandoned me. Why?

“You weren’t important. I had other priorities. Hell, you weren’t even a ‘you’.”

But I am, you know. We all are. It’s undeniable.

“That, dear love, was an inconvenient truth that I couldn’t handle.”

I was inconvenient?

“You were responsibility, commitment, disruption, expensive, awkward, burdensome, enslaving. Unwanted things.”

And my mother felt the same way?

Silence.

Father?

“I don’t know what your mother was thinking. I’m only assuming. I barely knew her.”

I don’t understand.

“I used your mother as entertainment. It felt good. At the time, that’s all that mattered.”

You never talked to my mother about my life?

“No.”

After I was gone, did you think about me?

“Not much. I hid you away where even I couldn’t find you.”

That’s sad.

“It’s worse than that. Razor blades to my soul would not be justice enough.”

Did you know what they were going to do to me?

“I do now. But truthfully, then, I never thought about it. So strange. My lack of curiosity was some sort of passive denial.”

Which meant you denied me. But I’m as real as the sun.

“And infinitely more glorious.”

Hocus pocus. 

“What are you saying?”

Doesn’t that change things? I want that day to never happen. I just want to be with you, father. And mother, too.

“How can you say that? We were both complicit in your murder!”

Because I love you both. When you spend time with God, who is love, you understand all things. How can I not love the two people who created me?

“I don’t deserve it.”

The grace of God. Some day, it will make sense. I have so much to tell you.

“And those moments will be heavenly.”

**********

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The Declaration of Independence is quite sage in ascribing these rights as unalienable–rights granted by God. One could argue the definitions of liberty and happiness, and we do. But life is one of those things that exists or it does not. Nothing grey about it.

America, we could not be more wrong in our acceptance of abortion. If we continue down this selfish path, this denial of God’s gift, our national death spiral will be irrecoverable.

Let me make an observation. And like most, it will be a general one. In other words, there will be exceptions to the blanket condemnation I’m about to make.

The abortion debate in Texas has been quite a spectacle. Kids holding up signs that say, “If I wanted the government in my womb, I’d f*** a senator.” Their mothers nearby–prompting this display. Besides the hideous irony, I understand the point they’re trying to make, however crude it may be. Sacred, personal ground that womb is. Absolutely.

To all mothers who support such a sign or its theme, it seems to me that your womb is only sorta sacred. God forbid the figurative trespassing of a politician in your uterus but you’re still willing to let a butcher explore your hallowed parts with weapons of micro destruction so that he or she can find, torture and kill your baby. And then dismember and drag them out in pieces to be put in jars or toilets or on piles of bloody rags. On special days, maybe this friend of woman–this humanitarian–will have the opportunity to cut a spinal cord or two and on rare occasions, no doubt, tell a joke.

Interestingly, you invited this servant of feminism into the uteral premises. An honored guest apparently. Did you really not understand what was about to happen?

And there are millions like you.

Strange.

Tragic.

And whether you will acknowledge it or reject it, it doesn’t matter. It remains unspeakable evil. The abortion act. Not you.

Dear women, your womb is indeed sacred. But if it’s turned into a killing field, shouldn’t society intervene and protect the child–your child–before they’re slaughtered?

Because you’re not. You of all persons should be the first line of defense for your baby. However, you’ve surrendered that role to selfish rationalization.

It comes to this. I’d like to get my head around this whole abortion thing–so that I can understand it from your perspective. To be more compassionate, less angry. I just can’t get there and I’m really trying.

  • Deacon Ed Peitler

    Comment? I am speechless!

  • SoCalChick

    The most ‘in your face’ honest, gut-level, plain spoken yet beautiful, humble, epiphany rendering, street level real, pro-life discourse I’ve read to date.

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  • richT

    so here i am , a 53 y.o. man, weeping…i don’t get it..at all…i would pound anyone who would ever hurt any of my little one(5 total)…if they were frightened they would rightfully know mommy would comfort them, daddy would protect them…but 50 million times(!) here in america, the opposite occurred..mommy and daddy did the unthinkable..right now i just need the Blessed Mother to comfort me, and our Father in heaven to protect us….from ourselves, I guess….

    • http://www.marcusallensteele.com/ Marcus Allen Steele

      I’ve been asked whether it’s fair for a man to judge a woman who has an abortion. I’ve also been told that it’s impossible for men to really know what a woman is going through–it’s not our body that is pregnant. To the first point, I’m judging behavior. That’s all. I’ll leave one’s heart to God. And the second point? I’ll never know experiential pregnancy, that’s true. But questions of morality are not dependent on gender.

  • Mike

    Marcus, I think that you are going through your own desert journey. The emotional equivalent of Jesus 40 days in the desert. You are trying to understand why? And, if you are like the rest of us, you won’t get an answer. Some of these things are a mystery — we are not supposed to know. I came across a prayer of Mother Theresa, for a miscarriage, sees to me to apply to your situation. Why don’t you think of it when you feel regret about the child that isn’t here? It will help. Here it is with the link.

    My Lord, the baby is dead!
    Why, my Lord, dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face. it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise.
    Why, my Lord?
    “Why, My child, do you ask ‘why’?
    Well, I will tell you why.
    You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty, he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
    I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool, forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

    http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=2073

    When you are ready, then you can do something. Maybe you could consider adopting? Maybe a big brother?

    May you achieve peace.

  • jals0911

    I’ll have to re-read this a few times to fully appreciate your prescient, harrowing, and absolutely TRUTHFUL description of abortion. In reality, it comes close to being an unspeakable evil doesn’t it? Yet God has given you the ability to use words to illustrate the devastating reality of this “benign,” extraordinarily common contemporary “procedure.” My brother runs the most widely-read pro-life/pro-family site on the Web (Lifesitenews.com), and I worked in the pro-life movement for over ten years. It’s old-hat to me, for lack of a more appropriate expression, and I’ve read it and heard it all; but bless you Marcus for stabbing my soul with a reminder of what some members of my family have really been dealing with for so many years. It would be much too lengthy a post to explain that last comment appropriately, but suffice it say that when you’re battling evil, strange things happen in your life.

    In concluding, I want to leave you with a quote from my favourite spiritual book called, “I Believe in Love,” by Fr. Jean C.J. d’Elbée, based on the teachings of St. Thérèse of Lisieux. “…we are in His eyes what we truly WANT to be for Him.” God does see your compassion. And he understands your anger.

    Pax,
    Annette J.

    • http://www.marcusallensteele.com/ Marcus Allen Steele

      A woman once told me that if I had my way and abortion had been outlawed, we’d have fifty million more folks in the US and oh, what a mess that would be–as if killing babies were some sort of civic duty. I politely told her that I appreciate her concern for population density and to her way of thinking she probably thinks we’re over populated as it is. Maybe she could give me a list of people to exterminate so we could get the numbers just perfect. And then I wondered what rabbit hole I had dropped into.

      • jals0911

        I’m not too familiar with leaving comments on blog-sites and this whole Disqus thing has me a bit confused. So, in case you didn’t receive my recent response, I’ll try posting it here, as it would be most tragic if you missed reading my words of wisdom. Ha !

        One more thing….am VERY much looking forward to reading the book once it’s re-worked. Your story is intriguing to say the least. Just might save some souls!

        **********

        Probably the same hole where male rabbits get married to each other.

        Wow Marcus, you sound like one of those guys who now ruins a lot of parties. (-: I used to do a lot of that (when I went to parties). I’m Canadian and we have a penchant for looking down our noses at all things American (although that’s waned a bit since Obama became Prez. Sigh.) I used to defend George W. Bush, and that was always a call to battle. I caused one gay man to leave another party in tears because I dared to question how Pride parades enhance the public dignity of gays. Then there’s the whole issue of anthropogenic climate change, so called over population, the Catholic Church, and abortion of course. I tried to use humour and remain as calm as possible, but some issues just make unthinking people go batty! How did the woman who’s grateful for the 50,000,000 less Americans re-act to your comment?

        • http://www.marcusallensteele.com/ Marcus Allen Steele

          Well, she of course said that we were talking about entirely different things. Babies in womb have yet to earn personhood. Something about viability. In my view, her response was convenient ignorance. And yes, I’ve lost women friends.